A Long Lost Letter

Today I found a letter that I once wrote to a close friend.  It seemed relevant because today I am also getting my hair dyed, although this time it will be a mixture of blonde and red, and I also have a cold.  I can't even remember what was going on in my life when I wrote this letter, but I will leave it up to your imagination to decide what it means for you. So let's take a trip to the past; a time when things were different.  

Today I am getting my hair dyed.  Today I’m going to start fresh.  I’m sick of worrying – I’m sick of a lot of things actually.  Like my sickness, for example.  I want to do well in exams, but feeling both physically and mentally sick doesn’t help all that much.  Today I feel sick and tired.  But tomorrow I will feel happy and new and awake.  Today I don’t have to make any decisions about anything, however I will say this.  Last night I did cry, after you left.  But not for very long.  It didn’t help.  I didn’t expect it too, but holding it in wasn’t doing much good.  You of all people know what it’s like to have someone taken away from you – out of your control.  I thought you’d understand why I want to fight – even though yes, I will most likely lose.  Today I am a naïve high school student, someday I want to be a writer.  To not worry about boring shit or annotating pictures, but to write about what I want or how I feel with intellect and passion, like I am now.  I would also buy pens that last longer than ones found under classroom desks, but you can’t always get what you want.  Someday I want to fall in love for real, not just teenage lust/love.  And I want to be loved.  Today I’m just wanted by horny 16 year old boys who claim to love me, though I know they won’t last.  Today my best friends talk more to my previous loves than they talk to me, and I don’t have many places to turn other than a sheet of paper.  Tomorrow I will wake up with blonde hair and a smile.  I will look in the mirror and say I’m happy.  And I’ll believe it.