15 Reasons Why Being a Door B*tch is the Best Worst Job Ever.
As soon as I turned
eighteen, I became what they call a chronic clubber. (Well, it’s what I called
myself - a term I like to think that I invented). I would club and drink and dance at every
single chance I got. I would go out on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
Sunday, deal with the hangover for the next two days and then repeat the
process. And I loved it.
But like most things,
the novelty wears off. Now, I cringe at
the thought of being that dirty, sloppy drunk girl stumbling in her heels not
knowing what year she’s in. And the reason why I cringe is because I started to
work as a door girl. The job description most commonly known as “Door Bitch.”
I work as a door b*tch
fairly often until 2 or 3am in the morning, taking cash, checking VIP lists,
giving stamps for entry. But more often
than not, I’m rolling my eyes when yet another drunk human stumbles into me and
breathes warm alcoholic breath into my face. Once, I even got spewed on by
someone who was coming down the Mondo stairs. Yep, you heard me. It was all
through my hair and all over my back, too. I know, gross.
My point? Though fun at
times, it’s a tougher gig than it looks.
That doesn’t mean I don’t
like it, though.
So here are 15 reasons why being a door b*tch is the best-worst job ever.
1.
The money. I don’t
think I need to explain why this is number 1.
2. You get to judge
the absolute fuck out of people. That girl with her boobs popping out of her
top? The guy with the ratty squeezing her ass? You’re sober (mostly), they’re
not. You see everyone and everything, in all their glory. Embrace it.
3. You feel as
though you have had a night out. You were there (sometimes you party), you saw
the people you would see if you were out, you didn’t spend any money and you
drive yourself home with a pay-check. Game. Set. Match.
4. You can drink on
the job if you want to. Nothing like a bit of alcohol to put you in a better
mood when dealing with drunk people. If you can’t beat em, join em! (Oh and it’s
free).
5. You get paid to
be a bitch. Literally. Got tough skin? Angry at something? Take it out on the
drunk idiots that try to slobber (or vomit) on you. It’s your job.
6. When people you
hate rock up. You know the ones, the people you went to school with who treated
you like shit. Watch as they suddenly try to become your best friend. Don’t
worry, they haven’t changed their minds about you, they just want a bit of door-girl
love. Send em’ packing with a toothy smile and watch their utter disappointment
when you charge them full price. Now you’re even.
7. You witness the
drunken mistakes, the fights and all the drama that goes on. And believe you
me, drama goes on.
8. You no longer
desire to be that drunken idiot. That drunken idiot will become your worst
nightmare. Never again will you want to be the one who can’t stand up, fumbling
with your wallet, arguing about the price, crying when you lose your phone or
being carried away by security.
9.
You make friends
with security. Actually. You’re no longer the one out clubbing and shaking
security’s hand, or hugging them with fake hellos in the hope that they will
let you skip the line. No, you are right beside them, dealing with the same
shit they are.
10.
You
become nocturnal, or at least, continue to be if you’ve graduated from clubbing
to become a door b*tch. Early hours of the morning are your forte, and Redbull
is your soulmate.
11. You decide who
is a VIP and who isn’t. Well, to some extent. The list decides, really. But you
get to watch looks of frustration and disappointment when you say that someone’s
name isn’t printed on that list. And you know all too damn well because you’ve
been there, done that. Now you’re the one with the pen and the power. Hottie
no. 1, come on through.
12.
You get to
dance! The entire time the background music is usually a pretty damn good DJ.
Be an idiot if you wish – no one else will care. And if they do, well, chances
are they won’t remember anyway.
13.
Your phone will
implode. You might not think this is a good thing but it’s pretty entertaining
to watch countless messages come in from everyone that you know. “Can you get
me in?” “Hey any chance of VIP?” The best advice I have for you is to simply
turn it off.
14.
You can laugh at
people who gasp at the price when you say “That’s fifteen dollars, thanks.” Oh
the absurdity! They’ve headed out for another night clubbing and can’t believe
they have to pay entry? Puuuhhlease, you knew you were going for a night out, you’re
clearly spending money on drinks, pay the entry and hustle your way to the
D-floor my friend, door girls ain’t got
time for you.
15.
You’ll also be surprised
at how many people go out clubbing with 0 cash on them. How do you do it, guys!?
And if you haven’t got enough money in your account to extract cash, get
yourself home to bed and re-evaluate your life, please. Or alternatively, get a
gig as a door b*tch.
